intoverts and extroverts

Introverts and Extroverts

Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert? It’s a common question. And a dangerous one because it forces you into a false, binary way of thinking. This question is doubly dangerous because it’s also an “identity question.” How you answer thi question creates a story in your mind that controls so many thoughts, behaviors, habits, and limitations.

Once you self-identify as an introvert, you can hide behind an array of self-protective  masks. for example, “I’m different” or “I’m better” or “I’m an outsider” or “I don’t know how to speak with these people” or … well, so many, on and on. If you self-identify as an Extrovert, then you also have an array of masks to wear. “I have a lot to say” or “My opinions are more valuable than yours” or “Anyone can speak out. I choose to do so. Others don’t.”

The choice looks like this:

Introvert ————————– Extrovert

But neither of these represent you real identity. We all have aspects of introversion within. We all haveaspects of extroversion. These two words are masks, that hinder you ability for authentic, open, creative talk, what I call “Mindful Conversation.”

Rather than the binary, distorted, and polarizing language described above, I prefer to frame the identity question like this:

Introvert ———– Connectrovert ———- Extrovert

This third option, connectrovert, describes thecommon ground that we all share, that unites inroverts and extroverts. We all want to connect. “Connectroversion” is baked into our DNA. It has carried us to the top of the food chain. We connect for a whole host of reasons such as survival, growth, companinship, reproduction, and productivity. Without this common ground, we would still be back in the stone age.  And yet it is largely ignored as we box ourselves into the false binary way of thinking. Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

Mindful Conversation is way of speaking and being, for introverts and extroverts alike, deigned to help all of us express ourselves more authentically and connect more deeply with family, friends, colleagues, intimate partners and would-be friends.

If you’d like to read a longer, thoughtful exploration of introversion, I highly recommend Susan Cain’s Quiet

If you’d like more information about How Mindful Conversation can help you with issues around Introversion, Connectroversion, and Extroversion, please visit my web site,